Okay, so I'm 14 weeks into this motherhood thing. Up until now I've complained, but I've accepted, that I can't have alcohol and I have to limit my caffeine and aspertame intake. And my gums bleed when I brush my teeth. And I couldn't dye my hair for 13 weeks. And I got the first pimples I've had since I was 14. And I puked or felt like puking for three months straight. And I've started buying "special pants" right when all the hot fall fashions are hitting the stores in regular human sizes. And now I've accepted that I will not be getting a good night's sleep for at least a year. Yeah, I get it. Sacrifice is a part of parenting, blah blah blah. But today's development was almost enough to completely break me.
Today I made brownies, and then realized I couldn't eat any of the batter. How cruel is that? What kind of a system allows for no red wine, no sleep, and then won't even allow me to take solace by sucking a rubber spatula dry of brownie goop? So raw eggs are bad for unformed humans. Life is tough, why not teach these future people this now and get it out of the way? Someone should take a stand. But it won't be me, not yet. I put the spatula down and cooked the stupid brownies. Now all I get is a bunch of stupid cooked brownies. These parental sacrifices are really hard.
Okay, I lied a little. I had some brownie batter. Just a little tiny bit though. See, honesty is an important lesson for future humans too. This parenting thing is gonna be a breeze.
1 comments:
Sounds to me that you're reading too much.
I mean, people have been doing this for millions of years, and only in the mid-nineteenth century did we start seeing fashionable books advocating rest, alcohol, eletroconvulsive therapy ...
How many women do you think have licked the spoon as they gently gestated?
Alcohol--try 1 Guiness a day. I believe I mentioned my Grandma somewhere on another post ...
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